running and resting...

I have had the recent discomfort of unfortunate events. I feel the tug of isolation- yet the warm embrace of true friends. It's funny how season changes can develop or utterly destroy your current life. I guess that is the point. NEW LIFE comes forth and it brings with it complete birth of things that have been dormant and preparing for the past season while nobody was watching. It hurts real bad. It hurts so incredibly deep inside to know that my life will no longer be what I had dreamed and what I had put my trust in. My friendships have changed, my relationships have changed and my everyday living has changed. In the honesty of everything not one inch of it was purposed by my heart, I didn't plan it to happen, didn't want any of it to happen- but it did. I couldn't put off winter, because things MUST and WILL die. I tried to hold back on things, but that made it harder to say goodbye. I cannot believe that my life is this way. I cannot believe that things have turned out like this- but did I really think that it would be any different? I am severely struggling with how this has worked out. I don't want things to be like this. I hate this. I cannot imagine how I am supposed to cope with EVERYTHING being so different. I need such a confirmation that there is hope throughout this whole thing. I have already received an amazing and life changing word with such Hope, but I need God to actually speak to me, right here right now. Not about ministry, not about anything other than who He is to me and where is He in this whole situation. I need Him close and I need His comfort. I need to run and I need to rest. running and resting is what I need.