walking on hot plates and coals....

This week is the hottest week of Australian summer since... well they don't even know when. I am finding this quite amusing as all I spend my life doing is sweating out the water which I just drank 30 mins before. It is uncomfortable, irritating and most definitely not productive. I am a sort of determined person, I hate laziness, hate confusion and desire peace- therefore this weather is disarming me as I have to do everything when it gets cooler in the evenings and also make sure that if I sit down I don't fall asleep because of my temperature rising. In my frustrations at the climate I decided to visit my friend who has constant air con in her house and thought- yeah I should leave at 7pm the sun is down and things must have changed. I was cool for 30 mins as I returned to my home and then my body got ahold of the climate again. STINKIN'!!! 

In thinking about life these few days before college begins (+reading a great book called irresistible revolution) I think that God is showing me restlessness with heat and teaching me, it's annoying! As I read about the annoyance that one young person got ahold of, this frustration is changing the world- one bit at a time. I wonder if my annoyance with something moves me to change? It is those people of restlessness that can and do change things, am i one of them? I think we could all get restless. We just don't. No wonder the New Covenant Church talked about comfort being our worst enemy. I pray that the restlessness that I am forced to submit to because of the weather is that same restlessness that moves me to change the Word. That I don't just visit comfort and think I can live there, but return with that same scream inside "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE SOMETHINGGGGGGGGGG!"

winners!!

A few days ago- before Christmas I had a call from someone who claimed to be from my bank. I just answered and gave very brief conversation as honestly I thought what she was saying was just too good to be true. She said I had won something, ME??? I never win anything, in fact I feel sometimes like inside I don't want to get involved with be a winner, it calls for more more more and it's not something I am prepared to think about too much- marketing and advertising does enough of that for us. So I just said yes, "I am ashley- you can send that." I let it slide, not thinking it was true, then a few days ago I got a piece of paper in the post saying I had missed picking up a package, I thought it was for my friend Andrea who has been moving around a bit and not certain of address for her family to send Christmas gifts. Anyway- I walked aimlessly to pick up my friends package the other day, totally wrong mindset but I was thinking, here am I again- doing something for someone else in the sweltering heat and I'm not even going to benefit from it. (honesty is the bet policy!) Anyway, it was the 2nd of january when I first went and the post office had conveniently gone on holiday longer than the rest of us are allowed. I shrugged my shoulders and determined to get a coffee- I wasn't wasting my ten minute walk!! So today I roped my friend Andrea to pick up the package with me so I wouldn't have to carry her stuff all the way home and break my back in the process, but she said she didn't know of any packages coming, neither did I as my mum is the only one sends them!! We arrived and as I signed the dotted line my post office friend handed me an envelop- Inside I was like... ,"what just another piece of stinking mail that could have been left in the post box!!" Then I saw the logo for my bank and remembered the phone call, opened it in a dash and laying inside a mastercard gift card with 100 dollars of spending, it's not a credit card- just this thing mastercard brought out recently, kind of like a gift card- but you can use it anywhere for anything. So right now I feel reasonably blessed and confused. I don't deserve money, I didn't earn it? I didn't do anything to receive it, didn't pay for it, couldn't muster to think of what to even do with it. In pondering who I should give it to- send it to-just what to do I am stuck with a new revelation of Grace. I didn't work for it, didn't pay for it, but yet I have been given this gift. Same with Salvation, what did I do to deserve this?  I have no clue what to do but think about it in the respect of why do I have this? I wonder if people think the same thing about Christianity when we offer it. Oh yeah- it's just another gimmick,too good to be true. You see, we are so used to thinking that we are losers, inside we hope that we are winners- but why would we ever admit it? So when Christianity arrives we refuse, ignore and brandish it as a tele-sales person trying to get your money.Well, that is until it really arrives, really proves its worth, proves its noble efforts and for some arrives in the mail. 

hopelessness

I have come to remember a time in my life when I had no hope. I remember the deepest pain I have ever felt, the darkest depth I have ever sunk and the drowning feeling of every emotion being tears. I remembered this yesterday when I was discussing my salvation experience. It was a startling thing to remember this time, I had gotten so full of Christianity and church that I had forgotten the living Grace that should be so ever present in my everyday walk. I pray I never forget, not to mourn-but to rejoice that this HOPE is like nothing anything else can offer. I pray I don't forget because it means I will be testifying to the Salvation of my soul. I don't want to forget.

fashionable passions...

I am not sure wether it is just me, but has anybody noticed that our generation are passionate about causes beyond themselves?  I am in love with the time that God has me on earth for, I am overwhelmed at the amount of people I know that would earnestly live and die for a cause, wether it be justice, abortion, poverty, Gaza, Darfur- I am honored to be alive with such individuals that push the boundaries of society and aim to be the best in order to see a change. There is a song written recently in church by a girl that says,

 "I can see a change coming on, it's getting closer as a mighty revolution, we can be the change we want to see Oh we can be the change we want to see"

I believe that we can indeed see the change we want to see, that we can determine to live better than what we have been taught. I see it coming- I see...

anon.

Sometimes I wish I could live my life like the anonymous poet or painter that inspires so many but never  is recognized for their life. I love the hidden truth that these people find more joy in inspiring others than being recognized. There is a simple humility displayed in those who can be so great, but still wash windows or clean streets or even buy the bargain bread at the local tescos. How great would it be to know that inside you are truly GREAT and nobody but you knows it... what a teenage dream- the geek in high school that ends up saving the world.  I feel in this season like I am experiencing the just-before-teenage-years of my christianity. I desire to do great things, yet am scared  at the prospect of "me... really?" I am no longer young and able to rely on others for support, nor am I wise enough to go it alone with steam in my bones as a grown up. I am in that awkward stage, the one where your hair gets greasy and you break out with acne, have feet that grow too big for your body and get all shy because you are the in between and not quite a person- more an ugly duckling. I am lost in this place, lost trying to plan, lost trying to win, lost trying to be anything but still. I am stilled until I adventure as a teen. I am shy and awkward, confused and lonely-but I have to grow. I have to develop that teenage angst that will determine how I live effectively my passions as a follower of Jesus Christ. I hate that I am not comfortable, nor reliant on anyone. I hate that in order to become something beautiful the growing years have to change me. No longer this little thing who bedazzles everyone with a sweet smile, nor a woman able to convey a message or a life full and established. No... today I am that child/girl/woman/thing/ugly duckling waiting for the teenage years. Oh will that passion for life begin!!! 

P.S.

I got my grades back... distinctions and credits!!!! 

It's a wonderful life!

Recently I watched the movie,"It's a wonderful life" It has taken me some three years to actually watch through the whole thing without falling asleep. Summed up it has that Christmas cheer factor of thanksgiving and also repentance. In a few days Church perform something similar , called the Christmas Spectacular and aptly knick-named 'spec'. This years theme is on the Grinch and the Who's. I can't really remember the story line of this movie, but I am warmed to know that it also expresses this similar theme of thanksgiving and repentance. So really what my question this evening transpires to is; do we find this repentance at Christmas? The evaluation of the festive season and somewhat our ethical decisions made in the past 365 days bring about a change inside of us, otherwise we would not consider the new years resolutions so commonly joked about. These six days in between Christmas day and New Years could change your outlook on the next 365. Forget the fad diets and stop chewing your nails resolutions; What is your expectation? What are you repentant for? What will you change? What ways will your heart grow? These are the questions that I am considering, not only the things I look behind and praise God for- but what I look toward, and how I live my days whilst getting there...