anon.

Sometimes I wish I could live my life like the anonymous poet or painter that inspires so many but never  is recognized for their life. I love the hidden truth that these people find more joy in inspiring others than being recognized. There is a simple humility displayed in those who can be so great, but still wash windows or clean streets or even buy the bargain bread at the local tescos. How great would it be to know that inside you are truly GREAT and nobody but you knows it... what a teenage dream- the geek in high school that ends up saving the world.  I feel in this season like I am experiencing the just-before-teenage-years of my christianity. I desire to do great things, yet am scared  at the prospect of "me... really?" I am no longer young and able to rely on others for support, nor am I wise enough to go it alone with steam in my bones as a grown up. I am in that awkward stage, the one where your hair gets greasy and you break out with acne, have feet that grow too big for your body and get all shy because you are the in between and not quite a person- more an ugly duckling. I am lost in this place, lost trying to plan, lost trying to win, lost trying to be anything but still. I am stilled until I adventure as a teen. I am shy and awkward, confused and lonely-but I have to grow. I have to develop that teenage angst that will determine how I live effectively my passions as a follower of Jesus Christ. I hate that I am not comfortable, nor reliant on anyone. I hate that in order to become something beautiful the growing years have to change me. No longer this little thing who bedazzles everyone with a sweet smile, nor a woman able to convey a message or a life full and established. No... today I am that child/girl/woman/thing/ugly duckling waiting for the teenage years. Oh will that passion for life begin!!!