running and resting...

I have had the recent discomfort of unfortunate events. I feel the tug of isolation- yet the warm embrace of true friends. It's funny how season changes can develop or utterly destroy your current life. I guess that is the point. NEW LIFE comes forth and it brings with it complete birth of things that have been dormant and preparing for the past season while nobody was watching. It hurts real bad. It hurts so incredibly deep inside to know that my life will no longer be what I had dreamed and what I had put my trust in. My friendships have changed, my relationships have changed and my everyday living has changed. In the honesty of everything not one inch of it was purposed by my heart, I didn't plan it to happen, didn't want any of it to happen- but it did. I couldn't put off winter, because things MUST and WILL die. I tried to hold back on things, but that made it harder to say goodbye. I cannot believe that my life is this way. I cannot believe that things have turned out like this- but did I really think that it would be any different? I am severely struggling with how this has worked out. I don't want things to be like this. I hate this. I cannot imagine how I am supposed to cope with EVERYTHING being so different. I need such a confirmation that there is hope throughout this whole thing. I have already received an amazing and life changing word with such Hope, but I need God to actually speak to me, right here right now. Not about ministry, not about anything other than who He is to me and where is He in this whole situation. I need Him close and I need His comfort. I need to run and I need to rest. running and resting is what I need.

lyrical sundance

sing a song of innocence I long to hear

tell me truths to calm all my hearts fear

take me away with you

take me along the high ways and byways to our home

where we will belong to one another, together, forever always.

there is nothing more that I seek, than the hope held within the meek

to adore the created, savor the maker

and trust in a lover, together, forever always

differing what I have lived before,

staring to the sky and opening ancient doors

released and free, to live in unity

I will trust you my lover, honest saviour, dearest friend.

make me like who you are,

to love in ways even when those are far

to forgive and be forgiven,

loved, hopeful and living for our greater days are yet to come.

only God knows...

Had a bunch of things on the past few weeks. I graduated from my study here at Hillsong Australia, in the middle of that I had pharinjitis, which feels just like someone is strangling you and shoving sand paper down your throat at the same time. Made it public with 'the break up' and am currently sewing elf costumes. I have been avoiding people to an extent, but right now Im ready to face the questions and face the music of life. In just a few days all the costumes will be finished and I will have nothing else to do at present but rest. I need a holiday and had planned to go home for am month, however I think that I might have to put it off and just wait until my parents come in May and then go home for my sisters wedding in July. It has been a long and gracious journey. I feel God with me. I feel Him lead me.

Rest.

Seems so strange to imagine that. Im not sure what that means anymore.