anon.

Sometimes I wish I could live my life like the anonymous poet or painter that inspires so many but never  is recognized for their life. I love the hidden truth that these people find more joy in inspiring others than being recognized. There is a simple humility displayed in those who can be so great, but still wash windows or clean streets or even buy the bargain bread at the local tescos. How great would it be to know that inside you are truly GREAT and nobody but you knows it... what a teenage dream- the geek in high school that ends up saving the world.  I feel in this season like I am experiencing the just-before-teenage-years of my christianity. I desire to do great things, yet am scared  at the prospect of "me... really?" I am no longer young and able to rely on others for support, nor am I wise enough to go it alone with steam in my bones as a grown up. I am in that awkward stage, the one where your hair gets greasy and you break out with acne, have feet that grow too big for your body and get all shy because you are the in between and not quite a person- more an ugly duckling. I am lost in this place, lost trying to plan, lost trying to win, lost trying to be anything but still. I am stilled until I adventure as a teen. I am shy and awkward, confused and lonely-but I have to grow. I have to develop that teenage angst that will determine how I live effectively my passions as a follower of Jesus Christ. I hate that I am not comfortable, nor reliant on anyone. I hate that in order to become something beautiful the growing years have to change me. No longer this little thing who bedazzles everyone with a sweet smile, nor a woman able to convey a message or a life full and established. No... today I am that child/girl/woman/thing/ugly duckling waiting for the teenage years. Oh will that passion for life begin!!! 

P.S.

I got my grades back... distinctions and credits!!!! 

It's a wonderful life!

Recently I watched the movie,"It's a wonderful life" It has taken me some three years to actually watch through the whole thing without falling asleep. Summed up it has that Christmas cheer factor of thanksgiving and also repentance. In a few days Church perform something similar , called the Christmas Spectacular and aptly knick-named 'spec'. This years theme is on the Grinch and the Who's. I can't really remember the story line of this movie, but I am warmed to know that it also expresses this similar theme of thanksgiving and repentance. So really what my question this evening transpires to is; do we find this repentance at Christmas? The evaluation of the festive season and somewhat our ethical decisions made in the past 365 days bring about a change inside of us, otherwise we would not consider the new years resolutions so commonly joked about. These six days in between Christmas day and New Years could change your outlook on the next 365. Forget the fad diets and stop chewing your nails resolutions; What is your expectation? What are you repentant for? What will you change? What ways will your heart grow? These are the questions that I am considering, not only the things I look behind and praise God for- but what I look toward, and how I live my days whilst getting there... 

and so boredom doth set in...

I am very uneasy. I can't holiday in peace!! I feel this urge to get up and go- but there is nowhere to go and nothing to do right now. I wish that I were studying still. I wish I had something to do, and in all of this I am uneasy with rest- but I need it?? I have succumbed to reading a book which before a vacation/rest would not have even wasted my time with. I enjoy this book- in fact I cannot put it down, the bad thing about this is that my day is filled with the book and little else. My day flies away and I feel like I have not moved in weeks- I cannot rest... but rest does appear to be my only motion.