Learning French again...

Ok so I have a funny title for my blog today, but honestly it explains what is going on. Today I went shopping for the first time in a very long time. The past year I made a commitment to ony buy things that I needed and it was a great experience to deny myself that pleasure of shopping that can so easily make us greedy. No consumer compulsions for me... It was a strange thing to go out with the idea of buying something for 'me'... I know that this sounds crazy, but it was such a liberating thing for me to be thinking about what I am buying with a sense of decision rather than compulsion. At the beginning of the day it was difficult, I spent about an hour or so walking around like a headless chicken. I didn't really have a goal to buy anything in particular, maybe some skinny black jeans for work- but just to break my shopping fast was the goal. Don't get me wrong I'm not going to go crazy spending my pay- I just knew that I had to break the continued fast because otherwise I would get stingy with everything- thinking only in terms of "Well... this costs a whole month of support for a compassion child" I's good for me to think on these terms honestly- it makes my life worth more than the money in my pocket or for some it denies the tie of worth simply being what you don't have. 

I bought....

Chai tea in David Jones. It's a brand called T2 (Highly recommend it!)

One top  with a horse on the front... I like the freedom displayed in the print

One top that reads Pepsi on the front. Honestly I bought it because for me it speaks of the underdog (reference to Coca Cola) I thought that it would be funny to wear because nobody else would understand why I bought it unless I say.

So I'm learning French again. Well... in a sense. Something I spent years learning and unlearned because I should. And picked up again just because- well just because you never know what sort of French language skills you might need, and you never know when someone might ask you why Pepsi and not Coca Cola... You might just get to share with them a bit about how other people live without shopping. 

AMORE!

A sense of loss

This week has been one of my most trying yet. I feel as if I have been tossed around in a huge tsunami wave. I began a new job here- the work is hard, the people are lovely and I am enjoying every moment of going to work, working and indeed getting paid. My college life finally has begun it's last year of degree, my week is consumed with more things than I care to say and every week I am learning, growing and shaping up to being an adult- finally! 

The point?? As I was walking to work on Friday I was praying and attempting to listen to God as I walked (This is quite difficult for me as I talk more than anyone I know)anyway... as I was 'listening' I heard Him say that today would be an especially hard day. I thought to myself 'are you joking me?' after all, I was starting my day right- praying, worshiping, doing the pentecostal thing of speaking in tongues, thanking God for my job, my work colleagues etc what more do you want from me? but still- that was all that needed to be said. Nothing more after that statement, despite my questions... just silence. 

So I started work, nothing seemed too different at first, then I made a few mistakes which made me feel stupid ( is this the hard day?) Later on I noticed that something was slightly different in the atmosphere my boss was a little stressed out and certain things would just not go to plan throughout the day. It sucked officially. Then... I got a message from my dad- asking to speak with me... dum dum duaaaaaah (movie music) so upon taking my break we 'discussed' a topic I never in my whole life expected. I found out the 'hard' part of the day. It wasn't in my plan, wasn't something I expected, but through it all just knowing that God foretold me made me feel a sense of security in it- that everything was going to be o.k. that I didn't have to worry, that I STILL belong to Him. That He is in control over my life, not my circumstances, not my family, not even my own plans. Just Him. So despite my feelings of loss this week, my pain and my anguish He is God and I will love Him more every day of my life.