sniffle nose

Had a bit of a hectic and amazing week. We had our annual women's conference, but I aptly re-named it 'change the world conference' packed full of women who don't just want to hear a message of beauty (although that is of worth) but actually a company of women who believe that God has created us to be the solution, not a problem on the Earth. 

I was inspired, cried a full day and saw some of the best views of the City from the Shangrila Hotel...

It was immense and although I managed to get quite a lot of rest I was tired afterwards and am just now catching up with life and sleep( consequently I have a sniffle nose...). I have come to realize that Church here has truly become my home. Many of the other conferences I watched in full awe at the stage, the productions, the talent and the amount of people who come from all over the earth just for a few days in hope that God is going to do a new work and start something fresh in their hearts. This year @ Colour I sat every service in the front section, didn't ever feel like it was a conference or something I am just visiting, but rather my home- my pastors, their friends visiting to speak and generally HOME. God moved, spoke to me and I received with a grateful heart, but none of that had to do with the lights, none of it had to do with the preachers, it wasn't a message that I had never heard before, but as Lisa Bevere said 'it's just simply putting weight of what you already know in your hearts" All of what I heard was Him alone. I love that. 

So as I try to piece together my schedule and plan together the Art from the Heart Festival Gallery for Easter I am reminded that it is HE ALONE who satisfies me and who gives me good things. I will listen... not to the awe, but to the voice. 

Learning French again...

Ok so I have a funny title for my blog today, but honestly it explains what is going on. Today I went shopping for the first time in a very long time. The past year I made a commitment to ony buy things that I needed and it was a great experience to deny myself that pleasure of shopping that can so easily make us greedy. No consumer compulsions for me... It was a strange thing to go out with the idea of buying something for 'me'... I know that this sounds crazy, but it was such a liberating thing for me to be thinking about what I am buying with a sense of decision rather than compulsion. At the beginning of the day it was difficult, I spent about an hour or so walking around like a headless chicken. I didn't really have a goal to buy anything in particular, maybe some skinny black jeans for work- but just to break my shopping fast was the goal. Don't get me wrong I'm not going to go crazy spending my pay- I just knew that I had to break the continued fast because otherwise I would get stingy with everything- thinking only in terms of "Well... this costs a whole month of support for a compassion child" I's good for me to think on these terms honestly- it makes my life worth more than the money in my pocket or for some it denies the tie of worth simply being what you don't have. 

I bought....

Chai tea in David Jones. It's a brand called T2 (Highly recommend it!)

One top  with a horse on the front... I like the freedom displayed in the print

One top that reads Pepsi on the front. Honestly I bought it because for me it speaks of the underdog (reference to Coca Cola) I thought that it would be funny to wear because nobody else would understand why I bought it unless I say.

So I'm learning French again. Well... in a sense. Something I spent years learning and unlearned because I should. And picked up again just because- well just because you never know what sort of French language skills you might need, and you never know when someone might ask you why Pepsi and not Coca Cola... You might just get to share with them a bit about how other people live without shopping. 

AMORE!

A sense of loss

This week has been one of my most trying yet. I feel as if I have been tossed around in a huge tsunami wave. I began a new job here- the work is hard, the people are lovely and I am enjoying every moment of going to work, working and indeed getting paid. My college life finally has begun it's last year of degree, my week is consumed with more things than I care to say and every week I am learning, growing and shaping up to being an adult- finally! 

The point?? As I was walking to work on Friday I was praying and attempting to listen to God as I walked (This is quite difficult for me as I talk more than anyone I know)anyway... as I was 'listening' I heard Him say that today would be an especially hard day. I thought to myself 'are you joking me?' after all, I was starting my day right- praying, worshiping, doing the pentecostal thing of speaking in tongues, thanking God for my job, my work colleagues etc what more do you want from me? but still- that was all that needed to be said. Nothing more after that statement, despite my questions... just silence. 

So I started work, nothing seemed too different at first, then I made a few mistakes which made me feel stupid ( is this the hard day?) Later on I noticed that something was slightly different in the atmosphere my boss was a little stressed out and certain things would just not go to plan throughout the day. It sucked officially. Then... I got a message from my dad- asking to speak with me... dum dum duaaaaaah (movie music) so upon taking my break we 'discussed' a topic I never in my whole life expected. I found out the 'hard' part of the day. It wasn't in my plan, wasn't something I expected, but through it all just knowing that God foretold me made me feel a sense of security in it- that everything was going to be o.k. that I didn't have to worry, that I STILL belong to Him. That He is in control over my life, not my circumstances, not my family, not even my own plans. Just Him. So despite my feelings of loss this week, my pain and my anguish He is God and I will love Him more every day of my life. 

walking on hot plates and coals....

This week is the hottest week of Australian summer since... well they don't even know when. I am finding this quite amusing as all I spend my life doing is sweating out the water which I just drank 30 mins before. It is uncomfortable, irritating and most definitely not productive. I am a sort of determined person, I hate laziness, hate confusion and desire peace- therefore this weather is disarming me as I have to do everything when it gets cooler in the evenings and also make sure that if I sit down I don't fall asleep because of my temperature rising. In my frustrations at the climate I decided to visit my friend who has constant air con in her house and thought- yeah I should leave at 7pm the sun is down and things must have changed. I was cool for 30 mins as I returned to my home and then my body got ahold of the climate again. STINKIN'!!! 

In thinking about life these few days before college begins (+reading a great book called irresistible revolution) I think that God is showing me restlessness with heat and teaching me, it's annoying! As I read about the annoyance that one young person got ahold of, this frustration is changing the world- one bit at a time. I wonder if my annoyance with something moves me to change? It is those people of restlessness that can and do change things, am i one of them? I think we could all get restless. We just don't. No wonder the New Covenant Church talked about comfort being our worst enemy. I pray that the restlessness that I am forced to submit to because of the weather is that same restlessness that moves me to change the Word. That I don't just visit comfort and think I can live there, but return with that same scream inside "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE SOMETHINGGGGGGGGGG!"

winners!!

A few days ago- before Christmas I had a call from someone who claimed to be from my bank. I just answered and gave very brief conversation as honestly I thought what she was saying was just too good to be true. She said I had won something, ME??? I never win anything, in fact I feel sometimes like inside I don't want to get involved with be a winner, it calls for more more more and it's not something I am prepared to think about too much- marketing and advertising does enough of that for us. So I just said yes, "I am ashley- you can send that." I let it slide, not thinking it was true, then a few days ago I got a piece of paper in the post saying I had missed picking up a package, I thought it was for my friend Andrea who has been moving around a bit and not certain of address for her family to send Christmas gifts. Anyway- I walked aimlessly to pick up my friends package the other day, totally wrong mindset but I was thinking, here am I again- doing something for someone else in the sweltering heat and I'm not even going to benefit from it. (honesty is the bet policy!) Anyway, it was the 2nd of january when I first went and the post office had conveniently gone on holiday longer than the rest of us are allowed. I shrugged my shoulders and determined to get a coffee- I wasn't wasting my ten minute walk!! So today I roped my friend Andrea to pick up the package with me so I wouldn't have to carry her stuff all the way home and break my back in the process, but she said she didn't know of any packages coming, neither did I as my mum is the only one sends them!! We arrived and as I signed the dotted line my post office friend handed me an envelop- Inside I was like... ,"what just another piece of stinking mail that could have been left in the post box!!" Then I saw the logo for my bank and remembered the phone call, opened it in a dash and laying inside a mastercard gift card with 100 dollars of spending, it's not a credit card- just this thing mastercard brought out recently, kind of like a gift card- but you can use it anywhere for anything. So right now I feel reasonably blessed and confused. I don't deserve money, I didn't earn it? I didn't do anything to receive it, didn't pay for it, couldn't muster to think of what to even do with it. In pondering who I should give it to- send it to-just what to do I am stuck with a new revelation of Grace. I didn't work for it, didn't pay for it, but yet I have been given this gift. Same with Salvation, what did I do to deserve this?  I have no clue what to do but think about it in the respect of why do I have this? I wonder if people think the same thing about Christianity when we offer it. Oh yeah- it's just another gimmick,too good to be true. You see, we are so used to thinking that we are losers, inside we hope that we are winners- but why would we ever admit it? So when Christianity arrives we refuse, ignore and brandish it as a tele-sales person trying to get your money.Well, that is until it really arrives, really proves its worth, proves its noble efforts and for some arrives in the mail. 

hopelessness

I have come to remember a time in my life when I had no hope. I remember the deepest pain I have ever felt, the darkest depth I have ever sunk and the drowning feeling of every emotion being tears. I remembered this yesterday when I was discussing my salvation experience. It was a startling thing to remember this time, I had gotten so full of Christianity and church that I had forgotten the living Grace that should be so ever present in my everyday walk. I pray I never forget, not to mourn-but to rejoice that this HOPE is like nothing anything else can offer. I pray I don't forget because it means I will be testifying to the Salvation of my soul. I don't want to forget.

fashionable passions...

I am not sure wether it is just me, but has anybody noticed that our generation are passionate about causes beyond themselves?  I am in love with the time that God has me on earth for, I am overwhelmed at the amount of people I know that would earnestly live and die for a cause, wether it be justice, abortion, poverty, Gaza, Darfur- I am honored to be alive with such individuals that push the boundaries of society and aim to be the best in order to see a change. There is a song written recently in church by a girl that says,

 "I can see a change coming on, it's getting closer as a mighty revolution, we can be the change we want to see Oh we can be the change we want to see"

I believe that we can indeed see the change we want to see, that we can determine to live better than what we have been taught. I see it coming- I see...